Why Do Some Relationships Fall Apart? One Simple Answer…

Why do relationships fall apart?

Why do some stay together and others drift away, like a boat at sea with no anchor?

There are many different reasons why relationships don’t work out; perhaps poor communication, long distance, infidelity, or even jealousy.

However, I have identified one of the main reason most relationships actually end.

One word.

Desire!

I know, the word may paint pictures of romance or some fragrance by the name, but that’s not what I mean, of course.

You see, there are actually different types of desires, or a strong wanting for something.

There are physical desires, there are mental desires and even emotional and spiritual desires. For example, let’s say your significant other communicates that they want to spend more time with you-then this would be a physical desire.

How you respond to this desire is very important, because if you should fail to meet this desire then it can spark an argument or some level of festering resentment.

“You never spend anytime with me anymore, I don’t even know why I am in this relationship!”

“I do spend time with you, in fact we spend TOO much time together I just need space!”….

Okay, so look at what’s going on here. One person is showing a desire for closeness and the other a desire for distance-two different desires in one room! Oh my, is this a recipe for disaster or what?

What is the solution?

Create a safe place and connect to your partner, thus giving you a place to comfortably communicate your deeper feelings and desires. This is even important for those dating as well, you must know your desires BEFORE going into a relationship to see if they are compatible and/or complimentary to another person’s desires.

Connect, communicate and then show appreciation for your partner opening up so that they will be more likely to open up to you and not some random person at a coffee shop 🙂

So why do I compare relationships to boats and wind? Am I trying too hard to be poetic? Maybe, but here goes a more vivid picture.

Your relationship with someone is a like a boat that you want to keep afloat and safe from anything that may sink it. That which you desire is like the wind, and when you both desire similar things and appreciate each others desires the boat is in sync with nature.

Yet, when your partner does not feel like a desire is being met, then a storm awakens and it will shake the boat until the desire is met! If the person is not satisfied, then they will leave, go elsewhere to have the desire fulfilled (cheat) or they will just become very numb and remain miserable. I know, that’s pretty sad.

So do you get it now? Desires are very important and may not seem like a necessity but are in fact one of the core fundamentals to the happiness factor in a relationship.

Mental desires may be learning a new language, emotional desires may be a longing for safe vulnerability and a spiritual desire may be a longing to go to church or a temple. Listen to your partners desires and see if you guys can come to a common agreement, that is, compromise.

If not, then your boat hits a massive ice-berg and things fall apart 🙂

Be on the lookout for more blog posts!

Peace and Love be with you all.

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here, in the meantime have a great day.

-Coach London

What is Unconditional Love and Why is it Important?

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I believe this is true as we all have different qualities and qualifications we may hold close and dear to our hearts while searching for “the one”.

And even for those of you in relationships already, I am sure there were certain traits that attracted you to the person.

Perhaps it was simply the way they dress, or the way the person laughs, or maybe a deeper quality such as them being a good listener.

Yet, the paradox in relationships is that sometimes the qualities that attracted you to your partner may become the very things that tear you both apart! Yeah, I made the same face when I realized this interesting fact.

Perhaps it was cute when they wanted a reply to every text, you felt so “needed” but now you feel like you are being smothered or interrogated. Perhaps you loved their laugh but now you feel embarrassed in public when they seem to screech. Perhaps time together was magical, but now you live together and you just want space.

What is the key to this inevitable contrast and power struggle? Of course good communication but another overlooked concept.

Two words.

Unconditional Love.

Unconditional love is not looking at your partner with rosy eyes and ignoring all of their shortcoming, but is a state of consciousness where you see the good, the bad and the ugly and you accept all as is.

You don’t seek to change your partner but you love without conditions.

I have noticed that usually when someone asks for relationship advice, that unconditional love will without a doubt come to the forefront of the conversation.

Why is unconditional love so important?

Because how we interact with others affects how they interact with themselves. If you are bashing your partner for their weaknesses, then this will cause emotional distancing in the relationship. You bashing them will cause them to bash themselves when you aren’t around. 😦

In fact, if someone else comes along who is more accepting than this will create temptation for your partner.

After all, who would you stay with, the person who is forcing you to change, or the person who accepts you for who you are? I am not condoning cheating or infidelity by the way, just shedding light. Furthermore, honesty and criticism is wonderful, but make sure it is constructive, not destructive.

Of course what I am saying will vary from situation to situation, but another important point is that unconditional love must be given to the self as well.

Love thy neighbor as thy self means express unconditional love to yourself and others.

So the next time someone’s weaknesses creep up, don’t be so tempted to instantly move on or call off the date, but use the angst as an opportunity to practice unconditional love and grow as a person.

I know, easier said than done but it can be with practice.

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here.

Thank you for time, please leave comment and share if you resonate with this material! Peace and Pure Love be with you all 😉

When It Comes To Dating And Relationships, Is There Such a Thing as The Perfect Person ?

Alas! I have finally pulled my thoughts together to bring you one of the greatest insights of my life. We get to tackle this question of perfection and whether or not your soul mate is out there waiting to be discovered, or if you are with your soul mate this moment. Sound enticing? Of course it does! Be ready to get all enlightened and stuff 🙂

Okay, so here goes a disclaimer, a story and then a huge insight that is going to blow your mind like fireworks and sticks of dynamite had a baby (hehe)

Disclaimer-I am not a love guru, just a normal guy who does Relationship Coaching. I have an overwhelming amount of confidence and knowledge but my answers to questions are not perfect. In this blog we will even re-define perfection, and with the new definition I may be seen as having perfect answers, however. I know, such a beautiful contradiction.

Story– I once was having a candid conversation with my good friend (I will not use her real name but lets call her Sagree for now) and she had contacted me for some good ol’ relationship advice. We had met in a library cafe at Case Western Reserve University, but that didn’t stop us from laughing out loud as we exchanged our love wisdom.

She was having trouble in her dating life with a guy she had been pursuing for some time, and I was having trouble landing a date with a woman who seemed to be into me but was very shy.

During our conversation and after I helped Sagree with her issue, the focus shifted to me-the advice giver was gonna be the “givee” (I think that’s a word…if not then it should be one) Anyways, I found out that the reason I was having so many issues in dating and even past relationships was because of my deep rooted issue in perfectionism.

I was looking for something specific but did not know what is was specifically, and I am sure Sagree subtly picked up on this.

That was when she said something that blew my mind…like fireworks had a baby with sticks of dynamite.

As the insight entered her seemingly from the ether and staring in suspended animation at the floor she asked hesitantly, “London…instead of looking for the perfect person, why not look for someone to perfectly grow together with?”

A moment of silence hit us both in a library that was ironically anything but silent.

It made me go through a second of mega-reflection where I saw every relationship and romantic encounter I have ever had flash before my eyes.

I was scaring women away because I was trying to change them into something else, or I felt like they were trying to change me…That’s not unconditional love but unconditional selfishness.

Sagree and I discussed the concept more and then went on to discuss some other topics.

But the point being made is that perfection is such a subjective phenomenon, yet the true challenge is not to look for the perfect person but to accept yourself and the person in front of you perfectly for who they are in the current moment.

The moment someone feels like you are trying to change them into something they aren’t, then arguments will begin, resentment will fester, and inevitable distancing will take place. And when distance takes place then the imagination mixed with emotions will begin to brew misconceptions.

Many people don’t even break up with their partner or cancel a second date because they hate the person, but they are in fact and more than likely rejecting the misunderstanding. Honest communication is illuminating in dark times.

My friend Sagree really helped open my eyes to this reality, and it is a tip I can assure you will change the way you approach romantic situations.

Lastly, I must say that there are cases of love at first sight and strong resonance, and if someone is your soul mate then you will know deep down.

But, it will mostly come down to whether or not you are willing to fight your own demons and un-love energies to get to your happily ever after.

Many of the issues we have can be projected onto others, and so the perfection of who they are is clouded…but I will discuss this more in a future blog post. (Duh, duh, duh) Cliffhanger!

And by the way I did end up getting the date with that woman, but we decided to go our separate ways.

It happens, and that doesn’t take away from my perfection or hers, where perfection is the state of just being who you are in the moment while accepting your flaws. Okay, getting carried away again. But Sagree is still with that guy to this day years two years later! 😉

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here. 

So, is your mind blown? Any paradigms shift? Leave comments please!

Peace, Hope and Pure Unconditional Love be with everyone–over and out.