A Dating Red Flag and Trap You Must Know To Prevent Heart Break! (Dating Trap One-Marketing Trap)

Okay, so what the heck is a dating trap and why does it sound like a death sentence?

Because it is!!!!!

Upon reading an amazing book by David Steele, Conscious Dating The Book, I had even more powerful insights to share with people.

In addition to David Steele’s information there is a whole host of other sites  and sources I am pulling from, including my own experiences in dating, so be ready for a powerful, metaphysical, nerdy, witty take on some stuff that really makes the difference between relationship success-or certain heart break.

I care for everyone and that is why I am doing this blog just so you know (awww, how cute London!) Yes I know, I am your information sugar daddy lol

WHAT IS THE MARKETING TRAP ALREADY?
Calm down my fellow info junky, let me answer one question first, and that  is; what is a dating trap? Well, Mr. Steele defines a dating trap as a preventable mistake that when made in Dating and Relationships will lead to inevitable conflict, and eventual frustration and separation.

In other words, you do this and you will end up in a long line for divorce or separation. Yet for my singles and those of you who aren’t married yet, you can avoid these traps and also a painful heart break. (And these traps apply to everyone, no matter your sexual orientation)

The marketing trap is simply putting on a show when you meet someone. That’s it.

Now, I can hear some people saying, “Oh, but everyone does that! Everyone puts on their best show while dating.” Yes, this is true, but to a certain extent.

You see, in the marketing trap people tend to put on a facade to woo you over, or you as the person setting the trap will say whatever you need to hit the jack pot. (Whatever that is for you personally)

Examples of The Marketing Trap Are as Follows:

1. Guy meets girl, they like each other, they go out on date but guy shows up in his dad’s Bentley. Guy even goes so far as to arrange a date at a very fancy restaurant. He pays a lot of money for a fancy meal, and does it all in cash! The issue? Home boy works at Pizza Hut. Yeah, those were his tips from the last nine months…

Outcome: After getting together, they argue about money, but he sells her the promise of more…she eventually leaves for a guy with more money.(I ain’t saying she a gold digger)

2. Girl meets guy, they like each other and they go to a beach. Girl acts very ditzy, and “easy” allowing the guy to dominate the conversation and even pretend like she doesn’t know the answer to simple questions. The issue? She was just accepted into Harvard Law School. I know, this is a good thing but again she is ” not being herself” Guy falls for the facade.

Outcome: They begin dating, but the guy is very aggressive and a chauvinistic (fill in bad word of choice here). The woman feels like her “voice” is not being heard and that her intelligence is not appreciated. He leaves her for a girl who plays a better part of an “air head” so he can feel like a “man”-whatever that means.

Alright, I had another but I am sure you get the point now, right?

The Marketing Trap is when someone inherently does not feel like they are good enough as they are, so they put up a perpetual facade only to feel unloved later in the relationship and mislead their victim.

This trap leads to another phenomenon for those who get very serious called the “Who the heck did I may marry effect”

It is very sad, but sometimes instead of falling in love with someone we can fall for the illusion, the facade instead of the truth. Some break their own hearts by ignoring this red flag/trap. 😦

So why is this important to know?

How can someone prevent this horrible trap?

Furthermore, are you the one being trapped, doing the trapping, or both?

(This is where you reflect and get a huge insight, okay?)

Enlightenment! 

The way you overcome this trap is simple, and you have already heard me say it over and over in my other posts-and I say it a lot while coaching people as many don’t do this!

Be yourself! Yes, from the first date be who you are.

Let your obnoxious laugh erupt.

Talk about your addiction to RPG games.

I am not saying scare the person away with eccentric individualism, but you will intuitively know when you are not being you. It will be a gut feeliing-sort of like that annoying voice from  a GPS that lets you know you need to redirect and align with the true you!

That way if someone falls for you, then it will be with the real you-not some mask you purchased from a dollar store last minute before Halloween (Wait, am I the only person who does that?)

The bottom line is simple,

In order for The Universe to send you what you want, you must be willing to say no to what you don’t want so as to receive that which you truly deserve. 

Boom! Another Explosive Insight (A.E.I) haha

I have been a trapper many times in my life and I know that women do not like when guys put up a facade. In fact, when I think of the women who broke up with me, and who I broke up with it usually connected to this trap in some way shape or form. Just be you, because no one else can that for you.

But, it doesn’t end here!!! (Duh, duh, duhhh!)

Did you know that there are altogether 14 Dating Traps! Again, they all are listed in David Steele’s book. I will blog about the other traps as well in beautiful detail.

But, have no fear for now just apply and master this first one.

Leave a comment about when this trap has played a part in heart break for you, let your experiences be a lesson for someone else!

NOV 11 LIVE EVENT IN LAKEWOOD, OHIO! INFO HERE  https://www.facebook.com/events/1991129507837628/

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here to avoid life crushing loneliness, click here (lol)

To visit my website click here, in the meantime have a great day.

Alright, that is all for now-Peace.

How Your “Personal” Culture Affects Your Dating Life & What is Your Love Identity?

Did you know your personal culture actually affects your dating life, and later, your long-term relationships?

A man by the name of Edward B. Tylor defined culture as the full range of learned human behavior patterns.

In other words, culture is learned and not a biological phenomenon, as Tylor also believed there was no difference between a King and the servant, but only that the King may have been educated more; thus, the King is able to yield more of that which was always within him.

But again, how does this connect to your dating life?

Well, I believe that there is a collective culture, yet also an individual culture which consists of experiences, values, desires and a perceived identity.

Who you believe yourself to be will inevitably affect your dating life.

For example, if someone were to only identify themselves as a “poor person” then they may tend to date those in a similar socioeconomic status.

Yet, someone who’s identity is much more inclusive, expansive and even egalitarian may just label themselves as a human, and others as human. Thus, this latter identity will yield a greater dating pool, or number of possible partners from which to choose.

Your culture is what you cultivate. To cultivate means you focus on it to a certain degree consciously or unconsciously, and if you are not focusing enough on it than others from a similar culture will try to get you to focus on it.

Your culture is like a seed, a plant that you water with your thoughts and emotions, giving rise to fruits of symbols and behaviors.

Your culture can also be the collection of conversations you are having with yourself on a daily basis.

How do you view yourself? Who do you say you are? What things are very important to you?

Some people may actually have a personal culture of hate, that is, they focus on what it is they don’t like about themselves and this will generate insecurities, watering the seeds and bearing fruits of malice. Even while doing Relationship Coaching I find that I usually have to help clients overcome their own personal insecurities to make the dating process easier, after all the worst enemy is truly the person in the mirror!

Developing a Culture of Unconditional Love is very important and the way one does this is by accepting all of your desires and values as is. If you are always comparing yourself to other people, then this will surely create an array of insecurities.

When it comes to dating, having an idea of who you are and what you want are very important and I analyze even underestimated. Finding a partner with a similar “culture” is very important, and accepting yourself and others for who they are is very key as well.

However, very quickly I wanted to make a statement that may surprise you and perhaps even offend some, but this must be said.

Culture and race are not the same thing.

These two words shouldn’t be used interchangeably.

You see, race is a philosophy that is passed as being science (it still has yet to be proven in a lab) whereas culture is real, and is a function of what people focus on and value, and then pass on to the next generation (also known as socialization).

If anything, the illusion of race has become a focus in American Culture, thus in this case race is a cultural focus that many still have trouble letting go of, for an unconscious fear of loosing an elusive sense of identity.

Race is an illusion(click link to see for yourself), and biological determinism, I believe, will begin to erode in these next generations as even the number of multicultural dating and romantic relationships has and will continue to increase drastically. That is because again two people may come from different ethnic backgrounds, yet have a similar “personal” culture of focus on similar values.

The power of love is beyond all illusions of humanity.

So, again, to answer the question-culture affects your dating life because it affects who you would want to date and who you will ultimately decide who is a fit mate. And this is only the beginning!

Thank you all, and please leave comments-but please, no bloody debates on my page-if you have a quarrel with someone in this matter then please inbox one another, or keep the comments to a mutually respectful tone.

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here. 

Peace and Unconditional Love be with everyone,

-London Holt

Yin and Yang Dating, How Your Affinity Affects Your Dating Life

The Yin and Yang symbol is very popular, yet do you know the true meaning of this symbol? 

The Yin-Yang symbol comes from Chinese Philosophy and is a symbol of balance, with both pieces being unique yet connected and complimentary.

But how does this symbol connect to your dating life?

You see, everything has a yin and yang aspect to it. (as pictured above)

For instance, even inhaling is considered yin and exhaling yang!

However, when it comes to dating you want to make sure you are using both of these energies to manifest a balanced relationship.

So are you a yin, yang, or balanced dater?

DISCLAIMER: I wanted to note that yin and yang is dualistic in nature, yet when it comes to the nature of the yin and yang it can also be considered a spectrum, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. You may in fact show qualities of both to a certain degree so keep this in mind as you read this post!

Yin Dater-A Yin dater is very shy and prefers for others to make the first move. A yin dater also spends much time fantasizing about potential romance so much so that they may even fall for an internal fantasy, instead of the actual person!

If you are a yin dater then you have a skill for working on your own baggage, and going through deep levels of reflection after a date to get a better picture of what you want in a relationship.

However, a yin dater must take more action! Don’t always wait for the other person to make the first move, this is also because if you are a yin dater than you may be a tad bit more emotional. Thus, in relationships you would also need to work on expressing your emotions and not bottling them up; only to have your emotions explode or turn into festering resentment.

Yin is a powerful energy for healing, yet yang is just as important so lets see if you are a yang dater.

Yang Dater-Having an abundance of yang energy while dating can make for a very exciting romantic life! If you are a yang dater then you are the person who makes the first move, chooses the dates and even parks the car 😉

In other words, yang energy is all about action, which balances out the yin energy. However, there is a weakness in having too much yang energy; that is, sometimes yang daters can be very cocky, overbearing and risk using dating and relationships as a way to escape their inner turmoil.

Too much yang energy can cause you to search for dating and love as a form of escapism!

Yang is a wonderful energy to cultivate, but too much can hurt you, unfortunately. Yang daters can benefit from meditation, deep reflection and also keeping a journal to get those emotions down on paper.

Yet, is there a way to get the best of both worlds? Of course there is!

Balanced Dater-Yin and yang are not energies in competition with one another, but two forces meant to work harmoniously together. You may, like most, have several qualities that are yin and yang in nature yet being a balanced dater is idea.

A balance dater knows when to take action, but also when to look within and question your motives in pursuing someone.

A balanced dater will take the time to work on personal baggage and self love and work from this “complete” space to manifest a loving relationship.

A balanced dater is a conscious dater who takes into consideration the subsequent effect of their actions on others, and also themselves (mindfulness).

Cultivating the yin and yang balance however is much easier than most would tell you and it is even something I teach in my Relationship Coaching practice; as well as conscious dating.

So which type of dater are you currently? Which energy do you need more of to balance yourself, yin or yang? Think about it.

In the meantime, have a wonderful day!

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here.

-Conscious Creation Singles and Relationship Coach London Holt

What is Unconditional Love and Why is it Important?

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I believe this is true as we all have different qualities and qualifications we may hold close and dear to our hearts while searching for “the one”.

And even for those of you in relationships already, I am sure there were certain traits that attracted you to the person.

Perhaps it was simply the way they dress, or the way the person laughs, or maybe a deeper quality such as them being a good listener.

Yet, the paradox in relationships is that sometimes the qualities that attracted you to your partner may become the very things that tear you both apart! Yeah, I made the same face when I realized this interesting fact.

Perhaps it was cute when they wanted a reply to every text, you felt so “needed” but now you feel like you are being smothered or interrogated. Perhaps you loved their laugh but now you feel embarrassed in public when they seem to screech. Perhaps time together was magical, but now you live together and you just want space.

What is the key to this inevitable contrast and power struggle? Of course good communication but another overlooked concept.

Two words.

Unconditional Love.

Unconditional love is not looking at your partner with rosy eyes and ignoring all of their shortcoming, but is a state of consciousness where you see the good, the bad and the ugly and you accept all as is.

You don’t seek to change your partner but you love without conditions.

I have noticed that usually when someone asks for relationship advice, that unconditional love will without a doubt come to the forefront of the conversation.

Why is unconditional love so important?

Because how we interact with others affects how they interact with themselves. If you are bashing your partner for their weaknesses, then this will cause emotional distancing in the relationship. You bashing them will cause them to bash themselves when you aren’t around. 😦

In fact, if someone else comes along who is more accepting than this will create temptation for your partner.

After all, who would you stay with, the person who is forcing you to change, or the person who accepts you for who you are? I am not condoning cheating or infidelity by the way, just shedding light. Furthermore, honesty and criticism is wonderful, but make sure it is constructive, not destructive.

Of course what I am saying will vary from situation to situation, but another important point is that unconditional love must be given to the self as well.

Love thy neighbor as thy self means express unconditional love to yourself and others.

So the next time someone’s weaknesses creep up, don’t be so tempted to instantly move on or call off the date, but use the angst as an opportunity to practice unconditional love and grow as a person.

I know, easier said than done but it can be with practice.

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here.

Thank you for time, please leave comment and share if you resonate with this material! Peace and Pure Love be with you all 😉

When It Comes To Dating And Relationships, Is There Such a Thing as The Perfect Person ?

Alas! I have finally pulled my thoughts together to bring you one of the greatest insights of my life. We get to tackle this question of perfection and whether or not your soul mate is out there waiting to be discovered, or if you are with your soul mate this moment. Sound enticing? Of course it does! Be ready to get all enlightened and stuff 🙂

Okay, so here goes a disclaimer, a story and then a huge insight that is going to blow your mind like fireworks and sticks of dynamite had a baby (hehe)

Disclaimer-I am not a love guru, just a normal guy who does Relationship Coaching. I have an overwhelming amount of confidence and knowledge but my answers to questions are not perfect. In this blog we will even re-define perfection, and with the new definition I may be seen as having perfect answers, however. I know, such a beautiful contradiction.

Story– I once was having a candid conversation with my good friend (I will not use her real name but lets call her Sagree for now) and she had contacted me for some good ol’ relationship advice. We had met in a library cafe at Case Western Reserve University, but that didn’t stop us from laughing out loud as we exchanged our love wisdom.

She was having trouble in her dating life with a guy she had been pursuing for some time, and I was having trouble landing a date with a woman who seemed to be into me but was very shy.

During our conversation and after I helped Sagree with her issue, the focus shifted to me-the advice giver was gonna be the “givee” (I think that’s a word…if not then it should be one) Anyways, I found out that the reason I was having so many issues in dating and even past relationships was because of my deep rooted issue in perfectionism.

I was looking for something specific but did not know what is was specifically, and I am sure Sagree subtly picked up on this.

That was when she said something that blew my mind…like fireworks had a baby with sticks of dynamite.

As the insight entered her seemingly from the ether and staring in suspended animation at the floor she asked hesitantly, “London…instead of looking for the perfect person, why not look for someone to perfectly grow together with?”

A moment of silence hit us both in a library that was ironically anything but silent.

It made me go through a second of mega-reflection where I saw every relationship and romantic encounter I have ever had flash before my eyes.

I was scaring women away because I was trying to change them into something else, or I felt like they were trying to change me…That’s not unconditional love but unconditional selfishness.

Sagree and I discussed the concept more and then went on to discuss some other topics.

But the point being made is that perfection is such a subjective phenomenon, yet the true challenge is not to look for the perfect person but to accept yourself and the person in front of you perfectly for who they are in the current moment.

The moment someone feels like you are trying to change them into something they aren’t, then arguments will begin, resentment will fester, and inevitable distancing will take place. And when distance takes place then the imagination mixed with emotions will begin to brew misconceptions.

Many people don’t even break up with their partner or cancel a second date because they hate the person, but they are in fact and more than likely rejecting the misunderstanding. Honest communication is illuminating in dark times.

My friend Sagree really helped open my eyes to this reality, and it is a tip I can assure you will change the way you approach romantic situations.

Lastly, I must say that there are cases of love at first sight and strong resonance, and if someone is your soul mate then you will know deep down.

But, it will mostly come down to whether or not you are willing to fight your own demons and un-love energies to get to your happily ever after.

Many of the issues we have can be projected onto others, and so the perfection of who they are is clouded…but I will discuss this more in a future blog post. (Duh, duh, duh) Cliffhanger!

And by the way I did end up getting the date with that woman, but we decided to go our separate ways.

It happens, and that doesn’t take away from my perfection or hers, where perfection is the state of just being who you are in the moment while accepting your flaws. Okay, getting carried away again. But Sagree is still with that guy to this day years two years later! 😉

To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here. 

So, is your mind blown? Any paradigms shift? Leave comments please!

Peace, Hope and Pure Unconditional Love be with everyone–over and out.

 

Is Being a Needy Person a Bad Thing? 5 Reasons Why Needy People May Be Showing Up In Your Dating Life!

When it comes to dating and relationships there are certain character traits that may turn some off instantly. One of those traits is someone who is very needy. I mean overwhelmingly needy. So needy that when you are in the same room they want to make sure you both are sharing the same bubble of oxygen…Okay, so maybe  I am exaggerating a tad bit but you get the picture. I wanted to give, however, a blog post on what and why you may have ended up with a super needy person. The answers will surely surprise you!

1. Are You Shopping While Desperate?

Imagine heading to the grocery store while you are starving, or to your favorite clothing store with a lot of money in your pocket.

Chances are, you will buy everything!

Unfortunately, in dating what I analyze is that some date from a place of desperation and loneliness. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it can set you up for overlooking a person being very needy and controlling (such as the person who needs you to always text back instantly, yes we have all been there) Social Psychologist call the phenomenon of minimizing the not so good things about a person the Halo Effect by the way for my scholars out there. Anyways, if you always find yourself in a situation with needy people, you may find that you have allowed this into your life by not paying attention to red alert signs!

2. One Word. Boundaries.

I remember back in high school dating this girl, and we were inseparable. In fact, whenever my name was mentioned her’s always followed. Point made, we were “one”.

I bring this up because it seems that many fantasize about being so strongly connected to another person that it feels like you both share the same heart beat. However, this desire if not controlled can cause you to end up with someone very needy, that is, you can misinterpret a red signal as something amazing. An example would be of someone who has the desire to be needed, so when they meet a guy or gal who is jealous and controlling the behavior may be interpreted, again, as a good thing.

Sometimes that which attracts us to be people can paradoxically be the thing that tears a relationship apart.

This means that in relationships,  in dating especially, you want to set clear boundaries and tell the person how certain actions cause you to feel, and be aware of any mixed signals you are sending.

3. You May Be Needy Yourself!

Let’s face it, sitting on the couch watching episodes of Family Guy, and re-runs of your other favorite shows all by your lonesome is perhaps not as fun as cuddling with someone who makes hilarious narrations and random fart noises (wait, is that just me?)

At one point in life, we all are needy. As babies we start off not being able to care for ourselves, so our parents must supply our needs. It is part of our human nature to have needs that need to be fulfilled, and even American Psychologist Abraham Maslow spent a portion of his life researching this.

Needy people may be showing up because they resonate with your suppressed or unconscious neediness. I know, very difficult to hear but you would be surprised to learn that a great deal of the things we dislike in others are only mere reflections of that which we don’t like, or have suppressed, within ourselves. What does that mean? I will discuss this in a future blog, but for now just know that you may have a lot more in common with a needy person than you thought.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

4. Do You Both Want the Same Thing?

I know this is a cliche sort of thing to say, but relationships truly do thrive on honest communication and mutual understanding. Thus, you both may want to discuss whether or not you want the same type of relationship.

Yes, there are different types!

Some want a close and deeply intimate relationship, some just want someone to share experiences with, some people just want the benefits of a serious relationship without commitment.

What you want to do is make sure you know what you want, and find someone who wants the same thing. Define your core desires. You would be surprised at how easy this little tip can help. After all, honesty is the best policy. 🙂

5. Are You Sure You are Ready for a Serious Relationship?

The human heart is a battlefield, as several desires fight for the right to come to the forefront of the soul. Different pieces of you want the lime light.

Part of you wants to be independent, yet the other wants the beauty of interdependence. If you are not in full alignment with sharing your time with another person, then be honest and try to develop a way of working through this together. Deal with the issue as teammates so you both aren’t fighting each other, but together.

Okay, that sums of my mini list for the time being, and trust me I know there are many more reasons why needy people show up, but the ones I listed seem to be the most common I see, especially while Coaching Singles and Dating.

Just remember there is always a solution if you are willing to look for it.

Lastly, there is nothing wrong with being needy, one must simply find a way to have their desires fulfilled in a healthy manner. And someone replying to your texts instantly may not be the answer. Just sayin’!

 To get access to a free interactive E-Book click here.

To visit my website click here.

Thank you for your time and have a nice day!